u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
