Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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