There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
