If i come over, it means nothing
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
