I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
