just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
