Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
