I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
