I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
