that's an acceptable place to lick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
