I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
