wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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