I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
