Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize