did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
