PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
