Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
