I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We are two peas in an std pod
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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