Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
