Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
