Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize