So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
