how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I could fuck to npr.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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