the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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