if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She told me I should be a condom model.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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