I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
