Don't you send me to vm
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Two words: blizzard sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
