I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
