somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
