The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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