So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why do cheetos always look like penises
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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