I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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