She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
