why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
