More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
