Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
