so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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