The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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