So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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