I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
