We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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