the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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