is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
