somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
