we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize