somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
