Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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