9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
