My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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