i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
