it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize