____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
