I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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