Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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