we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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