chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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