I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
