9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
