what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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