I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
