Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
