i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
