you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
