SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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