Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
