Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
