I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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