somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
