This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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