I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
