Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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