I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
