I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
