hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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