So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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