i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
