he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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