she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
