it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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