I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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