Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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