theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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