I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize