her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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