Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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