your thong is hanging out like whoa
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
