He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
