Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
