I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
