guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
