Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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