She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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