This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
