shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
