all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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