I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
