the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
