i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
