gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
