How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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