My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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