In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
