chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
