I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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